Extra-Fractured Fairy Tales

Franz Juttner, 1905 (www.childillustration.blogspot.com)

Today my class finished writing their own fairy tales, to be published in hardcover books that are going to look great. They’d better. It has been an exhausting process. We used the ‘fractured fairy tale’ model of retelling classic stories, by changing the point of view, or the time/setting, or the types of people or animals, finding a way to make it different and fun. Some of my kids grasped this concept better than others. As I started to edit and then to double-check their typed stories, I found some… oversights… that cracked me up.

So, in lieu of actually trying to be funny tonight, I am leaving that to some of my (30) students. I preface the following with the fact that I am easily amused,  but hopefully at least one of these will get you to crack a smile.

First group~  Spellcheck: Friend or Foe?

…When the cat woke up he saw that all the cotton had been rolled into yarn, and then the king walked in and said, “Congregations! You have permeation to marry my daughter the princess.”

…And off she went. Then the gingerbread woman met a Bunsen women and she said, “Well, I’m going to get some coffee. I’d love a cookie to go with it.”

(Perhaps she actually met a descendant of Robert Wilhelm Bunsen… inventor of everyone’s favorite single open gas flame burner. Then I shouldn’t have changed it. But I believe she meant business woman.)

…Cinderella was dilated when a kind, young pixie stepped out to help her down. She had never had that happen to her.

…Then I met a fox, a good looking fox, he looked like he was going somewhere. Then I nudist that he was following me. Then I nudist that he was drilling like he wanted to eat me.

…The king asked the girl to mare hem.


Second Group~ They just have a way with words

…Her name was Moldilocks. She had long, curly green hair. She peaked in the window and saw the door was unlocked. She opened it and went in and saw the meat on the table. “Mmm… meat,” she said.

…Ally swam as fast as possible. The prince had drowned. Ally swam down, grabbed the prince, and leaped onto shore. The prince was still not awake so she sang while she still had her voice. Then she saw her legs and left.

(Embarrassing leg stubble? Hate that.)

…Buzz’s friends came over in the morning, to wake him from the poisoned pudding. They brought a girl with them, and she kicked him in the leg and he woke up and was all cheerful and happy!

…Puss went to the giant’s castle. Then the giant said, “I can turn into anything. I can turn into a lion, a tiger, and into a big cheese.” So the giant turned into a big cheese. Then a lot of mice came and ate the cheese. Also, Puss had some cheese too.

…Snow White freaked out. She said sorry like a million times.

…So Jack taped the chalk to his shoe and made a path without anyone knowing. Then when the parents left them in the woods, Jack and his sister followed the path and made it home.

…So  Hamsterella rolled in her ball to the ball, but when she was running in her ball she remembered she had to be home by 12.

…Many years later a man came to the tower. He taught Rapunzel to count. Then he told her there was an elevator. So she escaped and she lived happily ever after.


And finally, Third Group (the best for last)~ Maybe you didn’t think this bit through?

…The giant lizard ran into the house, gobbled up Grandpa, put one of Grandpa’s nightgowns on, and laid down in the bed to wait for Black Riding Hood.

(Why grandfather, what classy lingerie you have!)

…Two weeks after she got married, she had a son name Jake.

(And oh, how the neighbors talked.)

 

So, I’m sending the order off tomorrow, if anyone would like copies of any of these tales, only a few hours remain. Let me know!

They could be the Hans Christian Andersen and Brothers Grimm of the future.

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~ by Lindsey on January 24, 2011.

One Response to “Extra-Fractured Fairy Tales”

  1. “Cinderella was dilated when a kind, young pixie stepped out to help her down. She had never had that happen to her.”

    Clearly, it’s the first time Cinderella was about to deliver a baby, but we want to know the rest of the story: Was the pixie kind enough to help her time the contractions? Did the pixie get her to the hospital promptly and help her with her breathing exercises? And what did Cinderella have, a boy or girl?!

    Very funny, the things kids write.

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