Trucks and Guns

I saw my favorite commercial tonight.

I know they can be found anywhere in the country… ‘local’ commercials that are just unspeakably bad. I’m sure one or two will pop into your head immediately.  The ones that stand out for me usually feature the owners- an older couple, polyester, a catchy jingle (sung by one or both), and perhaps a live ‘exotic’  animal.

This commercial, sadly, features none of those things.

Oh Mountain Home Auto Ranch… you make me laugh uneasily. The (loud, repeated) tagline of this commercial is BUY A TRUCK, GET A GUN!

Apparently this is an annual sale, which they offer during hunting season. Deer hunting, I guess that would be? If you were a hunter, and looking to purchase a new vehicle, I suppose you might see this commercial and say “Heck yes! Honey, we’re driving to Mountain Home !”

How serendipitous for you.

I see this commercial, buried cleverly in the midst of political campaign ads that I am trying desperately to ignore until next Tuesday, and wonder who thought that seemed like a good idea. I mean, I’m sure they do background checks, but of all things that you could offer up unsolicited… guns, really?

Maybe I just don’t get it, because I am not a hunter. Is that it? I love camping. I fished a lot when I was a kid. I am ‘outdoorsy’, but I have no interest in killing animals, large or small. I can’t handle the guilt.

Plus, guns are controversial. Some people have very strong negative opinions about them. Again, I know, I have to think of where I’m living, but the fact does not change. Guns are not something everyone owns, or wants to own. Some would like to see laws changed regarding their availability. In my mind, this sales pitch is not unlike saying “BUY A TRUCK, GET AN ABORTION!”  Not illegal. Great value for your target market. But you’re gonna piss some people off.

With that in mind, I would like to offer the following suggestions to Mountain Home Auto Ranch:

Dear Sirs,

Regarding your current sales promotion, I have a couple thoughts. First, broaden your scope. You may be surprised to hear that there are people in the state who do not intend to spend their fall weekends armed, traipsing over mountains in single-minded pursuit of forest creatures, and these people do not use their vehicles for hauling guns or carcasses. But, they might still want to buy a truck!

Your ad says that I must come into the showroom for full details, so I can’t say with certainty what kind of gun you are offering, and what the value of said gun would be. So I am making a poorly-educated guess that it would be a rifle popular in deer hunting, in the mid-to-low price range. Let’s say $600.00.

Here are some alternate sales ideas in a similar price range.

For the practical-minded:

BUY A TRUCK, FILL IT WITH GROCERIES!

BUY A TRUCK, WE’LL PAY THIS MONTH’S RENT!

For the non-hunting gentlemen:

BUY A TRUCK, FILL IT WITH BEER!

BUY A TRUCK, GET A SET OF GOLF CLUBS!

And for the ladies*:

BUY A TRUCK, FILL IT WITH CHOCOLATE!

BUY A TRUCK, GET A PAIR OF MANOLO BLAHNIK PUMPS!

BUY A TRUCK, GET LASER HAIR REMOVAL!

*Husbands- note that these promotions could be also be used to convince your better half  to go along with your truck-buying plan.

I think you will be pleased to find that adding a bit of non-hunter perspective will increase your customer base and your sales. To this purpose, you may also want to revisit your slogan, to make it clear you are talking about hunting season, and not handing out assault rifles. Maybe you could use a rhyme or play on words involving deer… BUY A TRUCK, TO GET YOUR BUCK! On second thought, nevermind, I suppose once we start rhyming with truck it’s all downhill.

But think about the Manolos.

Warmest regards,

Lindsey

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~ by Lindsey on October 27, 2010.

3 Responses to “Trucks and Guns”

  1. You do realize, Mark, finds this catching! He is all in– if we had $ to buy the truck and get the gun ‘for free’. Talk about a deal! 🙂

  2. ben sees nothing wrong with this. at all.

    i am all for the truck with candy. or a massage. or even just a new damn truck!

    truck truck bo buck…

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